Thursday, April 21, 2011

Time is passing me by.

It's been another week already and time just seems to be passing me by and I'm getting nothing done. Of course when I say nothing, I mean nothing out of the ordinary, I'm doing the same old stuff-- laundry, hanging out with my 1 year old, cooking dinner and going to work. Ever feel like the days are just passing you by and your just along for the ride? I've been kind of in a funk lately, it's hard to explain so I will do my best.

I have always found myself in the position of looking forward to something. For example, when I was in High School or in College, I had the goal to finish school and graduate. I accomplished both things, I have my High School Diploma and my BSW now.  When I was engaged, my goal was to plan a beautiful wedding that fit Daniel and I and to well... marry him. I've done that, checked it off my list and we have been happily married for 2 years. Then I had a baby, and then I was a stay at home mom for a while with my baby.... then for financial reasons I have had to go back to work part-time and now I find myself just sitting and waiting. I go to work, I come home, I go to work, I come home.

There has always been an end to something, a finish, a goal that was to be accomplished. Right now, we don't have that. Daniel and I are just waiting. We each have hopes and dreams but they don't seem to be falling into place like we thought they would-- we haven't found the step to take to make them happen and in some cases feel bound where we are. We're waiting and we're praying. We don't know how long we'll have to wait, and we don't even know that His answer will be the one we think we're looking for..... It reminds me of the song by John Waller, "While I'm Waiting," which is really awesome and is found in one of my favorite movies, "Fireproof".   As I sit here waiting, I keep reminding myself about the devotional written by Oswald Chambers that one of my co-workers read during our prayer time last week. Here's what it says, it struck me hard, maybe it will touch you too.


And straightway He constrained His disciples to get into the ship, and to go to the other side. . . ." Mark 6:45-52
We are apt to imagine that if Jesus Christ constrains us, and we obey Him, He will lead us to great success. We must never put our dreams of success as God's purpose for us; His purpose may be exactly the opposite. We have an idea that God is leading us to a particular end, a desired goal; He is not. The question of getting to a particular end is a mere incident. What we call the process, God calls the end.
What is my dream of God's purpose? His purpose is that I depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay in the middle of the turmoil calm and unperplexed, that is the end of the purpose of God. God is not working towards a particular finish; His end is the process - that I see Him walking on the waves, no shore in sight, no success, no goal, just the absolute certainty that it is all right because I see Him walking on the sea. It is the process, not the end, which is glorifying to God.
God's training is for now, not presently. His purpose is for this minute, not for something in the future. We have nothing to do with the afterwards of obedience; we get wrong when we think of the afterwards. What men call training and preparation, God calls the end.
God's end is to enable me to see that He can walk on the chaos of my life just now. If we have a further end in view, we do not pay sufficient attention to the immediate present: if we realize that obedience is the end, then each moment as it comes is precious.

Oswald Chambers has some really good stuff that will get you thinking my friends. As I keep waiting,  I'm doing my best to focus on the process, following Him with my whole heart and walking with Him hand in hand. But I appreciate readings like this in "My Utmost For His Highest" which remind me of the process. 

And just for fun, here's the AWESOME John Waller song that I occasionally blast in the car and "sing" at the top of my lungs too.
John Waller - While I'm Waiting (Official Music Video) from Provident Label Group on Vimeo.

1 comment:

  1. this is some great stuff to think about. i know the feeling. waiting on God's plan to be revealed.....or waiting to see if His plan and your plan one of the most difficult parts of life.