Trying to Have Hope

A lot of folks have asked about our closing date on the house-- if you haven't read "House Hunting " and "Under Contract", you may want to start there to understand how the journey to hopefully home ownership has been for us.  Our closing date according to our contract is supposed to be August 10th, which is less than 2 weeks away and is sort of a gray area for us at this point.  We've hit a snag in the loan portion of the process.  Without delving too much into our personal finances and issues, I will just leave you with this one point--  I remember as early as High School and well into college speaking to advisers/counselors, and financial aid folks about student loans.  I remember being specifically told that student loans were a "great" option because they have low interest rates, no deadline to pay off, and that they "can't hurt you.".... Let's just say that we've learned as we have graduated and entered adult life, responsibilities, and pursuing purchasing our first home that student loans actually CAN hurt you and they have hurt us.  (Not to mention, with the current state of our economy... loans just aren't as easy as they used to be.)

We learned last week that the home loan we applied for has been "suspended"... don't know what that means? Neither do we really, other then it means that it has neither been approved or denied.  We're sort of floating, I guess you could say.  Our lender informed us that we met all the requirements for the computer aspect of the loan and that the computer approved us, however when our loan was sent off to the underwriter, at the bank, the underwriter "isn't sure" she wants to sign off on our loan.  She doesn't feel cozy about signing off on us.  I'm not gonna lie, I cried.  This whole process has been a roller coaster of ups and downs for me-- I've never wanted something so badly, and I've never been so stressed and frustrated in my life.  Our lender (bless her) keeps trying to offer us a bit of hope.... She told me on Thursday that it's a good sign that it was just suspended and not out right denied.  If it were denied there would be nothing left to do, but with suspended we have a 50/50 shot... a little wiggle room... a little persuasion.  She assures us that she has been advocating for us to the underwriter and that she's doing all that she can.

I just can't seem to shake the feeling that I want to put together a fancy power point, march over to the underwriter's office and pitch a presentation called "Sign Off On Us Because..." It's so hard to even to sit here and write this without welling up a bit-- 50/50 isn't the greatest of odds, and to think that one person could have such an impact on our life.  One of the hardest things about it is, it shouldn't be a shock if we aren't approved.  We're really just starting out.  We're both still so young, barely any credit, Daniel just started his career last year.  I mean we've only been married 3 years.  But our "just starting out" is with 2 kids.  The Lord has blessed us tremendously with two adorable, sweet little boys.  Most people have the career and the house and the perfect white picket fence before they begin having kids. In the beginning of our marriage, we never even thought about purchasing a home or settling down because we wanted to be able to get up and move to where ever the Lord took us-- we were both still in college when we got married and we weren't sure what kind of jobs we would find.  I don't know how our families felt about it, but we were always both open to even moving states.  In the midst of all the undecided Leeland came along... and soon after that Hayden.  Daniel was blessed with a great job opportunity and sure enough, we're sticking around.

All this is just to say-- that where we are now.... where our contract is now... is just clinging to a hope.  A hope that we get a chance.  The Lord has walked this journey with us, and even in the midst of the frustrations of house hunting, I've felt His presence there.  Ultimately I've placed it in His hands-- I can't say that I have no emotions about it, or won't be disappointed if things fall through because that simply isn't true.   But I'm just trying to trust in His plan, and the blessings He has in store for our family and our boys.