Pregnancy Meltdowns & Gender Reveal!

So last week, I posted an 18 week pregnancy update about seeing our baby and getting this mystery envelope...

You can read that update over here.  Anyway, after the post I received a few questions about why I would want to open the envelope.  I made it VERY clear and was incredibly vocal about NOT wanting to know the gender of our baby this time around. I mean, incredibly adamant about the surprise.... so what changed?

Well, in typical pregnancy fashion, it begins with a meltdown.  Think, ugly cry!  Not even joking, the biggest emotional train wreck I've had since becoming pregnant with number 3.  I blame it all on over thinking-- over thinking the surprise, and over thinking how this third baby will fit in our family.  I've always said that it didn't matter what the gender is and that I would be happy either way, and I know deep down in my heart that I truly would be happy with a little girl or a 3rd boy, but the excitement of possibly having our very first little girl was getting to me... and that's where I got scared and ashamed.  I felt shallow and guilty for thinking about one gender over the other, and then I felt scared that I would get too attached to the idea of one gender over the other and be "disappointed" in the delivery room if it went the other way.

Would I be disappointed with a BABY!?  Heck no!  Again, it was all over thinking.... And am I a shallow person!?  I don't think so!  But the emotions of the mind games and excitement were outright torturing me.   I truly feel like it would be SOOO much easier to wait if we already had 1 of each gender, or even if it was our first child but we don't, we have 2 boys, and as much as I LOVE LOVE LOVE my boys and enjoy being a Mom of boys SO much, there's always a little bit of excitement about the small possibility of a first girl.  I know there are some Moms of all boys out there and some Moms of all girls out there who will understand the feelings and emotions that I'm talking about.

So there we have it... we decided for my mental health and to avoid anymore ugly cry meltdowns, we needed to open the envelope.  I needed to add a gender and name to our baby and mentally prepare, so here's our gender reveal of baby number 3.....

Pink or blue?  What will baby 3 be?

Any final guesses???

Are you reading this or scrolling right through???

BLUE!! It's a BOY!!  

THREE BOYS!!!  Oh my!  This should be incredibly exciting.  We cannot wait to welcome this little bundle into our family.  Want one more surprise?? What about the name!?

Now that the cat is out of the bag, we're gonna continue our family celebration day eating our donuts, drinking our coffee (only the parents) and chocolate milk.  :)

If Joel likes donuts anywhere near as much as Hayden does, he'll fit right in!

18 Weeks (And seeing baby)

18 weeks today! The littlest Kroh is the size of a sweet potato, is growing like a weed and bouncing all around.  Mommy on the other hand, is still feeling incredibly tired most days, and while I'm starting to have more good days than bad days with my battle against "all day sickness", the bad days are pretty bad.... pretty bad.  This too shall pass, even if it isn't for another 22 weeks, and I know that once baby is here, my misery will be a thing of the past.

Suddenly this last week my belly has just popped out.  It literally felt like it happened over night!  At first I was a bit concerned because with my body image issues, I currently feel like a whale, but on top of that, I had a certain 4 year old in my ear saying that we were having twins!  Where he gets these things, I have no idea?!

But alas, today we had our very FIRST ultrasound.   It feels so weird that we had to wait 18 weeks to see our baby for the very first time, but that's just how things go at our OB/midwife practice.  It's kind of crazy, you would think that the 3rd time around, I would find myself less anxious and nervous about baby, but I was more worried than ever about seeing baby and hearing baby's heartbeat this time.  (Partly because of some health issues that I have had and fear of the risks to baby.) Anyway, I am thrilled to say that all has checked out well-- baby is growing and looking absolutely perfect.  All parts are present and accounted for and baby is measuring right on track with our August 12th estimated due date.  Oh, and it is only ONE baby!

SO, in other news, I have been very vocal about not finding out baby's gender until birth the last few weeks... and then suddenly ultrasound week came upon us and I began to second guess myself.  I can't deny after having 2 little boys, the appeal of ruffles and pink and all things frilly for number 3.  And the thought of a 3rd boy can be somewhat overwhelming.... I really feel like the thrill of the surprise would be so much easier if we already had one of each.  

Anyway-- after a lot of thought this week, I just couldn't decide whether or not we could wait until delivery room.  I absolutely LOVE the thought of the surprise of our midwife shouting out baby's gender at birth, but I also LOVE the idea of attaching a name and a personality, and a gender to baby in the womb.  AND on top of these two things, I am pregnant, hormonal and indecisive.  So in the last 24 hours, I just couldn't decide what we should do, and vented to our wonderful ultrasound tech about my feelings and dilemma and she decided to put baby's gender in an envelope for us.... We can choose to open it and know, OR we can choose to ignore it and not know until birth at the hospital.  It's a win/win!  

Rest assured friends that when Mrs. Indecisive decides what to do (if anything) with this envelope, I'll make it known. At this point, I can just find a little peace in knowing that baby is healthy and growing and well in there.  

Happy 18 weeks baby Kroh!  Grow baby grow!